The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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