i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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