i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
