He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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