just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
