It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
