I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
