last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
