Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
