Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
