i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
