If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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