i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
