By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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