Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there is glitter all over my balls
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