when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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