If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
