How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
