Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
