Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
