so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
