she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
