either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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