a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
