we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
