you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I won't apologize to a one balled man
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
