he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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