i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
