There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have demons in me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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