I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
