Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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