Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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