Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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