i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
