he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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