Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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