it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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