The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
