I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
