I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
