I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
