Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
