I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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