I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
