i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
