Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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