drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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