Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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