Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
