My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
