She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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