So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
